Working on a project...

 January 29, 2025

We really fell down here, this past autumn, at the Ashbury household. Now, I could blame the stars for not aligning properly, and really that’s not as absurd as it sounds. Things really didn’t work out for us, on more than one level and occasion. In fact, the timing sucked, all the way around.

We’d planned to have our two oldest great-grandchildren do yard work—to help with the raking of the leaves, the cleaning out of the gardens, and the storing away of the back yard accoutrements: the table, the chairs, and the “ground covering” that we place over a very rough patch of concrete where the table and chairs take up space.

This plan was made because the children wanted to earn money for a goal that they’d set for themselves. We’re all for that.

However, every weekend that the children were free, the weather was awful. The weekends they weren’t free, and the weather wasn’t too bad, but at least two of us were having mobility/health issues at any given time.

So here we are, mid winter, none of the prep work for winter having been done. The tables, chairs, and ground cover are outside in the elements for the first winter, ever—as opposed to being tucked into the shed where no snow falls or ice forms.

I’m the only one in the house who feels the weight of this failure. And I think that is so, because it’s a part of my own personal journey along these uncharted paths of getting older.

I think I need to learn how to acknowledge—mostly to myself—that there are just things I cannot do anymore. That’s a hard thing for me to admit. I’ve always had lots of energy, and lots of mental capacity to juggle, handle, get things done. I also used to be the first person in line to offer to help others. I believe in helping others. Not so much the reverse, though.

Now I have to ask others for help, and that’s actually the hardest thing for me to do.

If we get a “January thaw”, even if it’s in February, I’m going to try and get some of those not-done chores done. I’ll give it my best shot, at any rate, and I will nag for help.

One thing I have been doing, and likely shouldn’t tell folks about, is I have been doing some very long overdue housekeeping of my email files.

I won’t tell you how bad it was. Let’s just say I was bordering on entering “hoarder” territory. When I realized just how many emails I had in those files, I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of cleaning them up.

But I thought on the matter a great deal and realized that I could set myself a goal of dealing with a certain number each day. Could I sit down and get it all done in one day? Definitely not. Could I do a certain number each day? Why yes, I could.

I’m pleased to report that two of my four email accounts have been cleared. And I am into day two of the third one. It will take some time. But I am determined to get this handled.

If you’re wondering what I will do once I have done so—well, folks, this office of mine also includes some storage shelves for canned goods and everyone’s what-nots, not just my own. And bookshelves where actual print books reside. And a small refrigerator wherein the water, soda, and other sorts of hydration reside, as well as the cases that fill same.

I know I’m going to need help for that phase of the project I have dubbed “the reorganization of Morgan Ashbury.”  And I plan to use my success in cleaning up the email as a reason why those of sound mind and body should be delighted to lend a hand.

That will likely be in a couple of months, because it would be good to have a bit less cold weather to allow for the opening of windows and the cleaning of the floor, and the airing out of the staleness of clutter.

So, I’m just going to believe that when the time comes, I’ll have the help—and the inspiration—that I need.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Tragedy...

 January 22, 2025

I have a theory that people will show you who they are, down to their soul, simply by the reaction they have to tragedy. More specifically, by their reaction to tragedy that doesn’t affect them directly.

Two weeks ago yesterday, news began to reach the world of a wildfire driven by record-breaking Santa Ana winds—hurricane force winds. As the hours and the days played out, as the horror grew, all we could do—all I could do—was to try and wrap my head around the magnitude of the tragedy unfolding and pray.

I still haven’t been successful with the former. But rather than thinking of my inability as a failure, I’ve decided that instead, it’s a healthy sign of the quality of my moral fibre.

This isn’t the first time that we’ve seen the loss of an entire community. A few years back, the fire that consumed Paradise, California was a shock to the system and a harbinger of what was in store for us all as a result of global warming brought on by climate change.

This is, however, the first time we are truly learning the difference between an out-of-control forest fire and a brush fire that has evolved into a wildfire. This latest blaze is the latter, not the former. And the fact that it can consume neighborhoods, towns, and leave trees standing is something new and strange and shocking.

Those of us still in full possession of our humanity find ourselves challenged as never before. It shouldn’t surprise us that Mother Nature is capable of setting us all in the dust in the blink of an eye. And yet, it always does.

Tragedies are awful things. They are a cause of pain and sorrow and almost unbearable grief. They destroy without rhyme or reason or mercy. They are the great levelers, as those who are rich and those who are poor are, in the midst of a shared tragedy, suddenly placed on an odd sort of level playing field. This tragedy has shown us that famous folk and ordinary folk are on the can stand side-be-side and view the ashes of their lives. So far as I know, because I did check, no tech billionaires lost their houses, so there’s that. The loss of a home transcends wealth, so I feel badly for anyone who has had their living memories go up in flames.

What tragedies are not and should never be is fuel for division and hatred, or tools to advance selfish interests. They are not anyone’s free ticket to a fortune. And yet far too often they become all t hat and more. In recent days, I have become aware of the attempts of some people to do so even as the fires continue to burn.

In these tempestuous times in which we live, I’ve decided on a path that is right for me. You see, I believe there is a difference between truth and lies; I believe that lies told in the service of self, or as a means of gaining power are not only wrong, but they’re also sinful in the eyes of God. I believe there is a purpose to life, and it’s not individual comfort. I believe that the most meaningful thing we can do is to uplift each other. To help each other. Especially in times of tragedy.

Yes, I want comfort—financial, emotional, intellectual—for my self. But I want that for everyone else, too. And I’ll tell you something else I believe to the bottom of my soul.

When it comes to the species Homo sapiens, there is only one race that matters, and that is the human race. I’m not saying we’re all the same; it would be boring if we were all the same culture. I don’t think the differences between us are fearful realities to be shunned or attacked. I think our differences make us interesting. I don’t think some people are better than others based on that which we cannot control, namely, biology. Character, not color, tells the tale my friends.

And yes, I believe in the power of redemption and second chances. After all, if we cannot forgive, how can we ever expect to be forgiven?

We are, all of us, God’s children. And we are truly, all of us, in this together.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Minor hurdles....

 January 15, 2025

One of the things that makes life such a challenge these days is the very real fact that some things are not only subjective, but they’re also relative. Now, these difficulties can be mitigated if one is adroit at determining which things fit into those two categories. And for the most part, I am able to do so. And this past week has been a time when, on a personal level, I have had my limits tested. Because even though I know that age can be relative and maybe a little subjective, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t irritate the hell out of me.

I’m a boomer. Back in the day, freezers, fridges, cars and televisions were supposed to last for years and years and years.

But this is our new modern age, whether we like it or not.

For example, six and a half years old is not old for a child. It is, however, apparently too old for a computer.

Six and a half years is also, I have recently learned, too old for a modem.

Friends, today’s essay might be short, but the topic is not very sweet. I began to have a major issue with my computer about a week ago. One day, out of the blue, I couldn’t get web pages to open. Well, I had Facebook and YouTube, and I also could access my email. But any place else? Wasn’t happening. I couldn’t even raise the Geek Squad using their bat-signal that was an icon on my desktop!

I spent an hour with them on the phone, however, and even with their direction, and even though we tried everything, alas, nothing worked. My daughter assured me that the problem was my computer, and the Geek Squad remote tech agreed it was likely so. Therefore, daughter and I made a plan to get me a new one on Saturday, a few days away. The next day, presto, my computer was working again, but we were still getting a new one, because, well, it was old—and had shown a couple of other little hiccups and signs in the months and weeks prior to this major one.

On Saturday we went to the place where we go and bought a new tower for me. Not an HP, but an Asus, and at a fairly good price, too.

Fast forward to Monday, and daughter brought home my new computer, prepped by the Geek squad. She plugged it in, saw my sign-in screen and said, there you go!

I was excited but not nervous. I was prepared! The Geek squad had done their magic, I my browsers installed had everything ready.....and the same problem happened. As late as Tuesday evening, on my new computer, I had Facebook, YouTube, my emails and I can google stuff, but that’s it. I could not go to any other web site, period. The message was always the same: timed out.

In what I thought was an unrelated thing, our TV (which is with the same ISP as our internet) has been giving us a bit of grief occasionally for a few months. We had a tech out in the summer, and he checked the area internet said it was fine and see ya. But after that great event, there were still days when I would turn on the television, it would start then freeze. Then go black. Then the error message “Something went wrong. Check connectivity”,  or words to that affect, appeared. Problem solved by disconnecting TV box and then reconnecting.

My daughter said our modem is too old. She has said that for a while.

Yesterday we all connected the information dots and decided that while yes, my computer was old and yes, it was good to get a new one, perhaps we should also get a new modem as well, because her streaming on her television and her devices also has had a few hiccups. And here I confess that David has had issues as well with his computer. And some of them may not have been simply operator error, after all.

Tuesday, I called our service provider. And my persuasive powers must have been in full force. The tech was scheduled out first thing this morning to inspect and decide all.

And now, a happy ending! It didn’t take the gentleman long to decide that a new modem was indeed needed. It took about a half an hour for him to work his magic.

Online, finally, able to reach all web sites. Now to finish my new computer set-up!

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

https://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Making changes...

 January 8, 2025

The school buses have resumed their daily mission after the holidays, and each seven o’clock in the morning continues to be darker than the day before—and will, for the next two weeks after which it will gradually become lighter. The temperatures fluctuate between really cold and holy icicles, Batman! And locations in the northern hemisphere that aren’t used to getting a whole lot of snow or icy conditions have been, or are on the verge of, experiencing record downfalls.

Note to anyone reading this: when you’re driving in a car and the roads are snow or ice covered, please, for the love of God, slow the hell down! Seriously! Most accidents happen in winter due to the combination of imperfect conditions and excessive speed. Thank you.

Winter has a solid grip of us and it’s not fixing to let go anytime soon.

While I have attested that I did not have any New Year’s resolutions, I have begun to try to take some steps with a view to getting myself better organized.

On the one hand, it can be argued that being 70, I should be able to do whatever the hell I want. There’s truth in that. People who are in their golden years ought not to have to do that which to them seems onerous.  Rest assured, no one has been making me do anything, and I am certain that no one ever will. The problem is me. If I’m not happy with how things are, then it’s up to me to change them.

I’ve gotten into a bad habit over the last half a year or so, and the only one who can change that is me. Therefore, I have decided that this staying up into the wee hours and then not rolling out of bed until mid morning had to end.

I got tired of blowing off so much of my day. I decided I didn’t have to feel that way, and am in the midst of fashioning a new program for myself. My new schedule sees me in bed before eleven at night, and up at 6. (Yes, I was doing the “in bed before eleven” previously but that didn’t last). The goal is to be at my keyboard, and working, by 7:30.

On this, day three of my new routine, I can report that the getting to bed and getting up in the morning part seems to be doing ok. It’s the 6 a.m. to 7:30 a.m. part that I can see already needs work. I seem to have developed difficulty in accurately judging just how long certain parts of my routine actually take me to accomplish.

The sad truth is that the older I get, the slower I get. In every area of my life. The happier truth is that I merely need to hone my new schedule—not overhaul it again.

Part of this refinement is the addition to my new routine of something I haven’t been doing for quite some time—taking a nap. A nap, in this house, is defined as that point when one returns to one’s bed for a short sleep. It does not mean nodding off in the chair in front of the television.

I used to nap occasionally as the need presented. But ever since David retired and has begun napping every day, I simply stopped doing so myself.

In the years when I was working outside the home, on weekends which were our free time, David and I would nap in shifts. I got up earlier in the morning than he did, so I would hit the bed sometime between eleven and one, for no more than an hour. Then he’d go to nap around three, usually for an hour and a half or longer.

Lately, I have been going to my recliner just after noon, specifically to get my legs up. This has been a very helpful habit in the past, a way to ease the discomfort in my legs caused by arthritis. And I will admit that I’ve been known to doze off here or there, and not thought anything of it.

But lately, the arthritis in my right knee has been in a flare up and it no longer particularly likes my legs being up for more than a few minutes at a time in that wonderful chair.

I don’t have the same trouble at bedtime, though. Of course, at bedtime I have taken my pain meds, whereas at noon, mostly, I have not.

And so the idea of taking an actual nap took hold, and I decided that I would do that little thing and see how it goes. If I can manage a short sleep in the middle of the day, I might not fall asleep so quickly on the couch after supper. That would be a bonus. I might even be able to watch the entire news cast!

I’ll have to let you know, later, how this works out. Yesterday was my first attempt, and was a failure. But while I did not sleep, I did stay in the bed, resting and horizontal and legs up, for the full hour.

I’m told that progress often comes in baby steps. Fingers crossed.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Happy New Year!

 January 1, 2025

Happy New Year!

Just when we all finally got used to writing 2024, it’s time to learn a new number. I’m sure that’s not necessarily a problem from those of a different generation from us boomers: well, maybe some Gen Xer’s might be disconcerted, but I’m sure the Millennials and those Gen Z young’uns won’t even consider the matter a challenge.

I don’t know if making New Year’s resolutions is still a thing, or not. Do you think it is? The only person I heard mention them is my oldest great-granddaughter, who is eleven. She asked me if I have made any for this year, and I told her that I usually don’t.

And that’s true, as far as it goes. Outside of this time of year, I do have it in mind each day to try to be better and do better in every area.

I don’t know if setting New Year’s resolutions would fall under the category of goal setting or dream casting. My general perception is that it’s easy in the joy of the moment and the spirit of the season to toss out something as a resolution: and here you can list whatever behavioral tic you’d like to smooth over, or bad habit you’d like to reform.

There’s nothing wrong with stating that you’d like to improve yourself. Speaking those words indicates self awareness, and that’s a fine quality to have. The only problem is that decisions made under the conditions of “New Year’s Resolutions” tend not to stick. And when they don’t it could very well mean that the person who “failed” feels like a failure. I submit that the concept of New Years’ resolutions includes in it’s definition the inevitability of failure.

Change, if change is to be made, must be done methodically and deliberately. If there’s something you’d like to improve about yourself, then you need to think about it, consider a course of action to achieve your goal—and that is the key. Because what you’re really seeking to do is to achieve a goal, and not have a wish granted by your fairy godmother.

It’s been a busy Holiday Season here for the Ashbury family. David and I attended three social events in four days, last week. For two people who have successfully and proudly earned the title of “hermit” over the last three years, that was…. quite something. The combined number of people in attendance at the events topped forty. Peopling takes a great deal of energy in and of itself. When that includes the presence of several running, laughing, shouting children under the age of ten?

It's a wonder I was able to drag myself out and get into the car to go home again.

Of course, it wasn’t just the actual social affairs that we attended that wore me out. The girls and I went into the big city closest to us to one of their enormous malls. To shop. On the Saturday before Christmas.

I know, what were we thinking? On the bright side we got there before the stores opened and got a prime parking space. And my daughter was able to put my cart together, so I was zooming through that sucker like nobody’s business. Just as we were about done, the place really began to fill up. Having done all that zooming and some shopping, we decided we really should treat ourselves to lunch. And of course, since we were so close to our favorite and large Chinese food buffet restaurant….

Shopping done, lunch a fond memory, I had some cooking ahead of me—my contributions to the supper at our second daughter’s on Christmas Eve—and decided to divide the work over a couple of days. On Monday I prepared the stuffing for the turkeys, as well as my Christmas pudding—a steamed desert which I make but once each year. Then on Tuesday morning, I prepared the sweet potatoes, as well as a baked crab dip. Dividing the work made all the difference. It was easier to accomplish than trying to do everything in one day.

The first three items, stuffing and pudding and yams, were items that they all look forward to, part of our Christmas meal traditions. The crab dip (served warm) is my second daughter’s favorite which I’ve only been making for a few years.

The socializing all came after the shopping and the cooking, and really brought home to me that while I can still do some of the things I’ve always done, I just need to remember that I am older, and I slowing down. That’s just the way it is.

Perhaps I should have made a New Year’s resolution, after all. One to be kinder to myself. The only problem is, I don’t know for certain if I’d be able to succeed at that.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury