May 7, 2025
None of us can definitively describe, explain, or detail
exactly what has made us the people that we are at this moment in time, at whatever
age we each happen to be. Oh, we can look back over our lifetimes and maybe see
a moment here or there that happened and that has stayed with us and influenced
us along our path of life.
I have one of those. The death of my father when I was
eight and a half years old was a trauma that I never fully dealt with at the
time. It was a trauma that scarred me and eventually needed attention if I ever
hoped to truly become as evolved/content as I could possibly be.
But that sort of thing is only a part of why we are
who we are. How is it that I am the way that I am in this regard or that? How
exactly did I come to be the me that I am right here and now?
Seriously, I have no clue if there is any way to
determine that. Nor do I know if trying to do so is a worthwhile endeavor.
I am convinced that certain factors bear varying
degrees of influence on our personal development. There are our own innate
qualities, and environmental factors. Then we have who we meet, what happens to
us and what we cause to happen to others. In other words, our own specific
lived experiences. You are likely familiar with the question that is posed in
discussing this topic: are we the product of nature or of nurture?
But the answer really is more complex than that.
Because there are qualities or traits, but there are also quantities, or
degrees.
I’ll use this metaphor: there are twenty-six letters
in our alphabet. And if one plays scrabble, and uses an online scrabble helper,
one might know that there are 34,721 seven-letter words in the English
language. Because I’m anal, and because you can have 6 or 5 or 4 or even three
letter words in that game, your total combinations are 77,123 words. Not to
mention the add-on words that can be formed on the board.
Perhaps that’s not a proper metaphor to show you that
truly, the possibilities of combinations of qualities and quantities are truly endless.
There really are few hard and fast rules when it comes
to the how’s and why’s of human psychological development. If that were not
true, then the children of the same two parents growing up in the same financial
circumstances would not all be so different, one from the other(s).
For this reason, it’s difficult to qualify someone’s
current transgressions in light of that person’s past real or imagined suffered
injustices. To explain a person’s behaviour by saying, “well, he/she had a
difficult childhood”, is to give a superficial pronouncement without coming
anywhere near to the meat of explaining the behaviour in question.
Let me take a moment to say what should be understood
by most adult human beings: most people have had difficult childhoods. The very
process of growing from baby to young adult is not at all an easy row to hoe.
That’s not to say there aren’t good times along the path, because just as there
are trials and tribulations in life, there are also joys and laughter. But the
truth is that very little in life is easy.
I believe that’s by design, and yes, that’s just my
opinion.
The truth is that while we all struggle with varying
degrees of challenges needing to be overcome, eventually we become adults. The very
definition of becoming an adult is reaching that point in life where we
ourselves take the reins of our journey into our own hands and begin to steer the
course.
It is my opinion that the moment we become adults, it
is up to us how we react to the trials and tribulations that befall us. The time
for bemoaning poor-little-me, not-my-fault is over.
We all—every single one of us—have choices in this
life, and at every turn. I believe that, too, is by design. And the truth of
the matter is this: either we assume responsibility when we take those reins into
our hands, or we do not. Most do, but some do not.
Or to put it another way, either we become the adults
we were intended to be. Or we allow ourselves to forever after wallow and
wither in the world of pubescent victimhood.
Love,
Morgan
http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury
No comments:
Post a Comment