July 17, 2019

Last Sunday my husband and I marked our 47th wedding anniversary.

When you say that number out loud, forty-seven, it seems impossible to reconcile it with the sense of the life we’ve lived since our marriage all those years ago. We were only babies! Teenagers, with no real concept of what we were doing or where we were going. We married a week to the day before my 18th birthday, which means my mother had to sign consent for the marriage licence. We were already expecting our first child.

There have been times when our life together has seemed very long, and times when it feels as if we married just yesterday. There have been incredibly high highs, and devastatingly low lows.

We have struggled with issues of alcoholism (David) and self-esteem (me). The two are, like us, inexorably connected. I can tell you that David is now more than 36 years sober. I’m still working on the self-esteem issues.

We have suffered losses, of course. My father died when I was a child, but we lost my mother after only three years of marriage. Then one of his sisters, then his parents, and his only brother. There are just him and his one sister left of their original family. I lost my sister, leaving just my brother and I as our original family’s sole survivors.

We have lost a granddaughter, and a son. There’s no recovering from that kind of loss. You never really get over it, you just move on. Even now, there are times of tears, and times when faith bolsters the heart. I imagine I will be teary over them, missing them, until I’m with them again. I have absolute faith our son and his daughter are in the arms of Jesus. That knowledge, that faith, helps me move on.

I’ve come to understand that the purpose of life is not to show me a good time. Fairness is a wonderful concept. I believe it exists in the ultimate sense, but not necessarily in the every-day living of life. Someone does you wrong, and eventually, I believe, they get their piece of karma cake. You just might not ever know that it’s happened. So maybe in your mind that unfairness is never met with what you consider to be its just desserts.

The truth is that yes, life is unfair. But it’s unfair to everyone, not just you, so get over it. Sometimes it’s super fair to you, giving you more than you ever imagined you would ever have, so just tell yourself it all balances out in the end, and again, get over it.

Those of us who live a faith-based life, and even those who perhaps consider themselves atheists, agree on one thing: evil is real and it does exist in this world. So knowing that, you shouldn’t be all shocked and upset when evil actually seems to get ahead or take center stage. Yeah, that happens, and it sucks, but it’s not forever.

Stand your own ground against evil where you can. No, maybe you can’t affect the ultimate victory over it. But be aware of the evil around you and refuse to participate in it. The more people resist it, the more easily it will, eventually and in its time, be defeated forever.

I had a friend who lived by the motto: life is short; eat the dessert first. That’s not a bad motto to live by, all things considered. I’m not sure what my motto should be. I know I’m deeply flawed. That I try to be kind and help others where I can, but again, deeply flawed so nowhere near as good as I could be. My goal is to do a better job in every area of my life each day. Some days I settle into my bed at night, and know I’ve tried and maybe advanced, oh, about an inch toward this goal of mine.

Other nights I ask extra politely for a bigger dose of forgiveness, because I know I’ve blown it in a major way and have taken several steps back.

I truly believe my heart is good, because I don’t wish horrible things to happen to anyone, not even, necessarily, the evildoers. Generally, in my heart, I just want them gone. I want them relegated to the pages of history where, in due time, the entire world will celebrate the demise of their existence.

It will happen. I have faith.

And maybe, that informs what should be my motto through this life. I know it’s something I’ve said in these essays from time to time, so I guess the choice is only natural. I’m going to be sixty-five on next Sunday, the 21st, and so I can say that I have lived long enough and know the secret to contentment.

It’s the realization that things don’t come to stay. They merely come to pass.

Love,
Morgan
http://www.morganashbury.com
http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury