Countdown...

 December 28, 2022

For those who celebrate, I hope that your Christmas or Hanukkah were all you’d hoped they would be. When an event comes but once a year, it’s wonderful if it turns out, also, to be very special.

Anticipating the week leading up to Christmas, there had been a few places we had originally planned to go and a couple of people who we’d hoped to see. However, as the storm was first forecast and as it approached, and since we were warned of its inevitability and nearly unprecedented size, we decided to just stay home, instead. Seeing loved ones face to face isn’t worth a risk of life and limb.

I can’t tell you all just how much I wish others had done the same. Two things can be true at the same time. I feel compassion for those who’ve been stranded—either because of the difficulties of air travel, or because of attempting to travel by road. But I also wonder what they were thinking, since, as I said, it was well publicized that a monster winter storm was imminent. Getting stranded was a completely unnecessary hardship.

Our Christmas Day here was a very relaxed and quiet day, just the three of us here. Our daughter made breakfast. There were two kinds of bacon, eggs, breakfast potatoes and toast. The food was very tasty. Supper was my job, and since we’d decided well ahead on the bill of fare, it was a very simple but good meal. We enjoyed bone-in ham, candied yams, Brussels Sprouts (our favorite veggie), and coleslaw. I bought some of the groceries on the Friday before Christmas, and because our daughter really loves red cabbage coleslaw, that was what we had.

Recently, our daughter has reintroduced chicken and ham into her diet. So far, it’s working for her. She doesn’t eat large quantities of those meats, but she eats them with no negative side effects.

There was an addendum to putting some slices of ham into the oven to heat them, for our Christmas supper. Most of what we didn’t eat for supper, had been designated for another purpose. I put that cut up left over ham through the meat processor, added a few sweet pickles which were also chopped in the processor, added some mayo to the mix and voila: the family favorite, ham and pickle, which is salad that is eaten as a sandwich filler. When daughter and I decided on the menu, she was most excited about the ham and pickle since she hadn’t had any for a couple of years.

Made on Monday, (and a healthy portion of it, at that), the meat spread was but a memory by the end of the day, yesterday. I’m not complaining. I’d rather have something eaten up that quickly than left to go bad in the fridge.

Our family Christmas supper will be on next Monday, this year, January 2^nd. There’s usually a challenge coordinating since both our daughter and our “second daughter” have busy schedules. This is also the reason I didn’t even attempt to serve a turkey on the 25^th. Sonja makes the best turkey, period. And while I pride myself on being a very good cook, I have no problem bowing to someone who can do something better than I can. It will be a fun evening, and of course a new rendition of the game we always play when we get together for these events: left, right and center. (If you’re curious, they sell it at Amazon).

Yes, next Monday will be in the brand-new shiny year of 2023. Time does march on, whether we wish it to, or not. That’s the way of the world. But I’ve lived long enough to understand that few things in life are either all bad, or all good. So while time marching onwards means we part with some things, it also means that we encounter some new things.

I sincerely wish that y’all have enough of the new, and the nice, and the happy, and the spice in the year to come to put a smile on your face and a song in your heart.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Tis the season...

 December 21, 2022

Well, here we are again, and so soon, too! Christmas is only 3 sleeps away, as the kids used to say. Just about everyone I speak to in recent days has had one question in common that they ask me, during the course of our conversations: “are you ready for Christmas?” I’m not certain if they are asking that out of genuine curiosity, or if they are hoping that I will say no, and they will then sigh, and think, “oh good, another one just like me.”

My answer to the question, am I ready, is always no. I’m never ready for Christmas. I do, every year, comment on this fact. And every year, it’s true. Every year, the inevitability and approach of Christmas, the nearness of it when I look up mid-December and realize it’s almost here, seems to be a shock.

You see, Christmas to me is a time to stop the busyness of life, a time to sit, be calm, and reflect. To sink deep into contemplation. To once more draw near to the wonder and the magic and the majesty of human hope and aspirations.

When I say those words to myself, a lovely picture forms in my imagination. I’m in a room with a large front window; sitting in a comfy chair, with a fresh cup of coffee beside me, a blanket on my lap, and a fire burning close by. It’s night, I have the indoor lights off, and outside I can see thanks to the soft lighting from somewhere that the snow is falling—gently, softly, with the occasional puff of a breeze that sends the snowflakes dancing. There may be soft music playing, but aside from the crackle of the fire, it’s the only sound.

So, am I longing for Christmas? Yes, I am so there. But am I ready for it? No…but I have hope.

When I was a child, my pleasure when it came to Christmas was, of course, from anticipating all the wonderful things I might get from “Santa”. I can tell you that there were two days a year that I got gifts – my birthday, and Christmas. That was normal, for most folks I believe in those days. I would be given shoes, or clothing as the need arose throughout the year. And I did get a whole 25 cents a week allowance. That was a lot! Why, every couple of weeks or so, my daddy would take me to Kresge’s, in Dundas, and I could, from my allowance, buy myself a toy from amongst the riches on display there.

My two favorites were a “flying saucer”, and solo ping-pong. The first consisted of a “launch pad” a ring, a string, and a plastic circle, with spokes. The string wrapped around the launch pad; the circle sat atop it; and when you held the toy in one hand and pulled the string fast in the other, the circle twirled hard, then would be launched to go…. wherever. The second toy was a wooden paddle, which had an elastic band type piece securely affixed to it. At the end of the band was a small rubber ball. You could play ping-pong all by yourself!

With that monthly influx of new toys, I never felt deprived—or bored!

These days, as a seasoned adult, my pleasure in Christmas comes from giving. We keep a few dollars on hand, and every kettle we pass in this season, gets some. We have, in the past, taken great pleasure in shopping for toys, lots of toys, and then giving them to the first responders on duty each Christmas season outside the grocery stores. And of course, we give gifts to our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. And to special friends.

I also used to love to make cookies with my own children, and then with my granddaughter. This year, being so much older and sadly a little less patient, I made the cookies on my own and then presented two of my great-grandchildren with them, along with some icing and all manner of sprinkles for them to decorate at will. My daughter and second daughter supervised, and I enjoyed watching them.

I also sent them home with some cookie dough ready to roll out, so they could make cookies at home with their mother.

There is one more thing that I look forward to, every Christmas, and it’s my absolute favorite: and that is the time I get to spend with my loved ones. Yes, there is a shadow of sadness present, as this is the time of year when I most keenly miss those no loner with us: my parents and siblings, my middle son, and his first-born daughter. But life, at it’s best, is neither all good nor all bad. Life at its best is bitter-sweet.

My husband and I wish you boundless joy this Christmas—with lots of hugs and mugs with your nearest and dearest.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Solemn commemoration....

 December 14, 2022

Ten years ago today, tragedy came to live in a community called Newtown, Connecticut.

It was a beautiful, late fall day. The sun was shining, and the temperature had been forecast to hit 43 degrees. The day began, I imagine, much as any day begins. Parents roused sleepy children early, getting them up and dressed, and then sitting down to breakfast. There would have been the usual sounds of family life, sounds that would have run the gamut from laughter to tears, as most every day does. Could be someone couldn’t find their shoes, while someone else had to change their socks, so that they matched. Teeth had to be brushed—and hair, too. Finally, what was likely a familiar if hectic daily rush out the door as the parents would have taken their children to school and then headed on to work themselves.

Some families would have had their Christmas trees up already, and some would have had that on the calendar for the next day, which in 2012 was Saturday.

And then, shortly after 9:35am, at Sandy Hook Elementary School, the unthinkable happened.

I remember at the time just sitting in shock, and tears, as I watched the news coverage unfold. We’ve had a few horrible mass shootings here in Canada, but nothing like this. Nothing had ever been like this.

And I remember thinking, surely now something will be done. There are so many things that can be done to help to mitigate the kind of violence we saw that day. And really, none of those things involve anyone coming in black helicopters to seize anybody’s weapons.

Now, here we are 10 years later, and although slowly, the movement for common sense gun control legislation has been gathering activists and action. More than 500 pieces of legislation on the state and local level have been enacted. In June the first significant piece of federal legislation in more than 30 years was passed thanks to bipartisan cooperation.

I have come to the realization that we’ll likely never see a revolutionary big law as I expected in the days and then weeks and months following the massacre, Sandy Hook. I was expecting a big and sudden change and felt very disappointed there was none, but really, I should have known better. After all, the turtle did win the race against the hare for a reason.

I take comfort in the knowledge that the coalition of groups and activists working together toward a goal of universal gun safety legislation is now larger and more powerful than the NRA. They are active in every state, I believe. There is hope, and as long as there is some progress, there also needs to be patience.

The Safer Communities Act was signed into law this past summer. It was a beginning on the federal level, but not the end. I choose to believe it was not the end, because those 20 wee children and 6 educators should never be forgotten.

I am going to spend some of today remembering the lives lost ten years ago. I’ll likely shed more than a few tears, but that’s as it should be. And I am going take time to pray something more will be done than that one piece of anti-gun violence (not anti-gun) legislation that was passed.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Commercial free and other myths...

 December 7, 2022

I’m old enough to recall when there were only 13 channels available on our television. When I lived with my mother, she had a black and white RCA set that stood on its own legs. I don’t recall how long we had this free-standing model, but it was what we were used to. Of course, at that time, I was my mother’s remote control, and it didn’t even matter if I was upstairs when she wanted the channel changed. I got married a week before my 18^th birthday, and moved not just out of her house, but out of my rural community.

My mother did not, in her lifetime, own a color TV.

But even before she died, there was talk that something new would be coming before too long—they called it cable TV, and while there would likely be a small user-fee involved, it would well be worth that minimal price because, (they said), there would be several more channels for watching, and there would be no commercials. And maybe there are some folks reading this who don’t know, so I will relate here that prior to the advent of cable, the only cost of watching TV was the appliance itself, the antenna you bought, and the electricity to run it.

I do recall that my mother didn’t believe that last part about no commercials on cable TV for a single moment. 

Moving forward from that time, in the early days of my marriage, I had a job in the credit office of a department store in our local large city. Then, one day, we were told that something new was coming. They said we would be doing our work on a computer. It was cutting-edge stuff and involved punch cards and something called a hopper. A young woman was hired to instruct us all, and her first pronouncement was to assure us, quite gleefully as I recall, that eventually we would all be replaced by this modern-day machine. And she made one more promise, which we had all heard and believed at the time—that the advent of the computer in the workplace would herald the end of paper in the workplace. Just think, no more endless paper to deal with!

I’ll give all y’all a moment here to get the giggles under control in response to that last bit of horse puckey.

Now, with those two shining examples in my background, one wouldn’t think I would be surprised that YouTube is working on finding new ways of giving us even more commercials to pepper our short, two-minute videos. I think there are enough now, because sometimes I’ll be watching an eight-minute video and get three ads in the first three minutes.

I’ve participated in more than a few surveys online, about advertising. There is almost always a comment section. I usually state in that comment section that 1) I do not watch the ads and 2) if they annoy me enough, I put the sponsor of the ad on my personal, “never, ever buy” list.

Yes, I know that likely no one ever sees those comments, but I do feel better for making them.

I have always believed that the internet has more positives to it than negatives, and that attitude had, in the beginning, extended itself to social media. But I forgot to factor in that one bad actor can create more chaos, confusion, and pain than a room full of good people can spread peace and harmony.

When television first came into being, there was a general consensus that standards needed to be established and upheld—for the greater good. Thus, behavior was monitored and those producing the programming fit themselves into the stated community standards in a way that became second nature.

I would dearly love to see social media take on the same guardrails.

And as for those darned commercials? I imagine if YouTube does manage to eliminate one’s ability to “skip” some ads that eventually, I will simply spend far less time there. Likely using the site only for limited purposes—like watching videos that I know can show me how to do something, or how to pronounce a name.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

 

 

Discernment....

 November 30, 2022

I saw a video on Twitter on Thursday last, and it disturbed me to such a degree, that I felt moved to write my essay this week on this topic.

The creator of this video proclaimed that those people whose lives were taken at the Club Q massacre on Saturday November 18, in Colorado Springs, don’t matter. That they got what they deserved and are currently burning in hell because, and I quote, “there was no evidence that they were Christian.”

I do not wish to repeat the name of the person who posted such an opinion because I really have no wish to give this person any kind of shout out at all. That would be feeding the craving for attention, and this person clearly has had enough of that already. But I do want to address the atrocious concept expressed in her video.

You see, I believe in God. And if I believe there is God, I also must believe there is a satan. It’s as simple as that. And I believe that God and satan are opposites.

One represents love, and life, good and light, and the other hate, death, evil, and darkness.

I have read my Bible, more than once. I have read all the words printed in red in the New Testament several times. I challenge anyone to show me where Jesus said anything, at any time, that can be considered a message of hate.

Of course, none will be found. He wouldn’t have done so because He is love and life and good and light. Jesus never lied, and He never hated. He did not counsel those who are persecuted to pick up an AR-15 and have at it, as one woman has famously said; He told us to turn the other cheek. In fact, while I try not to judge anyone, I will say that any person who suggests that Jesus would have used such a weapon under any circumstance needs to read God’s word again, because they clearly didn’t get the message the first time.

I am angry because once more people who are not of love and life and good and light have used my faith as an excuse for their hate-fueled actions. That offends me. I know this anger inside me is not a bad thing. It is, in fact, a righteous anger.

But I do not hate the woman who posted that message. Nor the one who suggested the AR-15. I do not hate those who spread these vile ideas to others. I do not hate anyone, regardless of being angry because of what they have done.

Jesus also told us to pray for those who spitefully use us. And as I do just that, it’s not anger I feel so much as it is pity.

I feel pity for those souls who were hurting, and were hungry, who were vulnerable, and who longed for something and for someone to hear them and help them… and believed the lies that have been fed to them by those who consistently and yes spitefully use them and their emotions for their own purposes. I feel pity for them because the time will come when they will see the lies for what they are, and they will feel a great weight of misery. They will know they have been deceived and used and they will suffer even more than they already have, because of it.

And I know, yes, I know, that no person can judge whether or not another is a “Christian”, that is, whether or not they have Christ within them, because that is truly a matter only between that person, and God.

That said, one can observe the fruit on the tree and know if it is good, or not. God did not leave his people powerless against the forces of evil in this life. He gave them many gifts to help them, including the gift of discernment. Discernment is that skill which allows us to recognize the difference between, say, love and hate.

The astute among you might at this point say, “hey, wait a minute, Morgan. That sounds kind of like the message you said disturbed you.” And you would not be wrong, exactly, to point out that similarity to me.

But there is one major difference: and that is whether at the heart of it all, the message given is one of love and life, good and light—or of hate, death, evil and darkness.

The difference, if one compares my words and the video that I have referred to, is really quite easy to see. My reaction, if I believed someone truly was “burning in hell” certainly would not be self-righteous satisfaction.

It would be grief for a promise unmet, and a chance wasted.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

 

Traditions....

 November 23, 2022

Sometimes it seems as if there is so much change and upheaval in these contemporary times, so much turmoil and anxiety, that we might fear we’ll be swallowed whole by everything happening all around us.

While it’s true there is much in our environment that we cannot, as single individuals alone do anything about, there is one area in which we have complete and near total control. And that is in the traditions we forge, and the way we use those traditions to cope with the metaphorical storms that buffet us.

This year, I’ve noticed a joy in the planning for the holiday season, a joy that had been missing in the last two years. It’s so palpable I can almost taste it. This is true especially for my American friends. I have noticed as I watch some of your nightly news casts that when asked, people will report a worry about inflation and prices and making ends meet. But at the same time, people don’t seem to be allowing those harsh realities to interfere overmuch with their holiday traditions. Yes, the cost of airfare seems to be through the roof compared to a couple of years ago. And yet reports say that flights are at pre-pandemic highs.

People are this very day, as I write these words, flying or driving “home” for the American Thanksgiving holiday, tomorrow. As one man interviewed said, “I’m going to sleep in my childhood bed and eat at my childhood table, and I can’t wait.”

Tradition. Just thinking that word brings to mind the first song in that wonderful Broadway musical, Fiddler on the Roof. Tradition is a powerful word for a powerful concept. But it’s not, in these days of a truly wider world thanks to social media, simply a matter of a tight enclave of several families that may share a common neighborhood and a common faith. Though of course, our faith will have, I believe, the largest part in determining the traditions we hold.

As change comes and we feel threatened, we often cling more tightly to the ideal of the traditions we hold. Which means that we alone, each of us, and each family of us, has the freedom to decide what is and is not traditional. We can tend to cling to the memory of the observances of traditions past to get us through our tough times as they happen. This we’ve done, many of us for the last couple of years. This year feels different.

Now our lives are no longer so tightly controlled by the threat of Covid. Now we know there are vaccines and masks, and best practices to keep us as safe as possible from this now endemic threat.

And now we feel the draw of our traditions. Now we feel we can respond to that draw, to go home, to gather together, and to give thanks. We understand that finally, as promised, we can meet again.

Not many of us would truly want to go back to the past to live full-time. Not many would truly want to return to the days of yore. We may yearn for a less complicated lifestyle especially in the middle of chaos, but that can be achieved without sacrificing modern life. Yes, there is that draw, that sense of “everything used to be so much more…. in the past” and here you may finish that sentence with your own word.

But that is nostalgia taking, and nostalgia is a uniquely human emotion. It is one designed I believe to give us a few moments of psychological respite as we are otherwise busy coping with life’s inevitable, and transitory storms.

Some people have seized on that emotion and have tried to use it to do their best to pull us back to those “good old days”, to convince us that the answer to our anxiety is to regress, to take away our right to be who we are, and to usurp our freedoms, replacing them with a pseudo-parental set of boundaries they will then try to convince us are for “our own good”.

But we do know better, and we do want better. And we will celebrate our traditions. At this time of year with turkey and stuffing, and “all the fixins’.” We will gather, and remember, and celebrate…and we will look to the future ahead.

That future will be as good, and as worthy as any that ever was—because it will be one of our own choosing.

David and I wish all of you, our American friends, a very happy Thanksgiving!

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Pollen swirling on the breeze...

 November 16, 2022

All things considered it has been a very mild November so far. But in the last couple of days, the temperature has dropped below freezing. To add insult to injury, there have been a couple of times in the last few days when I’ve looked out to see white pollen swirling in the air. And then this morning, horror of horrors, that white allergen covered the grass and the cars!

It might sound counter intuitive, but the truth is when the cold comes, and the snow falls, my arthritis aches less. I think there is a threshold of chill plus damp that is the hot zone for maximum suffering where this condition of mine is concerned.

I believe that’s why the spring and the autumn are the worst times for my poor body. It doesn’t mater that I don’t go outside very much during these times; the damp and the chill seem to permeate the house.

But I am very, very lucky—luckier than my mother was. She too had osteoarthritis. But back then, she didn’t have the pain medications that I have access to. She did allow herself what was available to her, and that was why she’d drink two bottles of beer every night. Just two. It was a good thing that she liked beer. Rarely did I see her with anything stronger. Except if we went out to dinner. She’d allow herself one cocktail.  And the only cocktail I ever saw her drink was a Singapore Sling.

I suppose that, like pain medication, the numbing principles of alcohol are best if they’re not overused.

I have worked hard to keep any political opinions I may have to myself. If I were living in the United States, I would be an Independent. There are members of both political parties who I admire. But I’m not American, and so do not feel entitled to tell those who are my opinions. I’m not after offending anyone. I can today tell you only that I have been offended by the use of lies as a political weapon. I grew up in a world where telling lies was the most offensive thing one could do. To be labeled a liar was the scarlet letter of my day. If you did something wrong, that was on thing. Lying about it put took the sin to a whole other level.

So to my American friends, thank you for restoring my faith in you and for the most part turning away from elected office those who are liars—and a liar is a liar regardless of political party.

Mind, you’ve let a few liars slip through, but I have hope that the sieve you use next time will be of a finer mesh so you can get them all.

Christmas is approaching as Christmas does. I continue to be shocked that this is so, but that is just me. No longer capable of doing as much as I did even ten years ago, I am working on being kinder to myself. I can only do what I can do. I have to accept that and let the small things not bug me.

We’re happy with our small, just under-five-foot-tall Christmas tree. We can’t have an actual real evergreen because that’s the only thing my daughter’s allergic to. And just as well. I don’t believe in murdering trees for vanity’s sake, and the artificial tree of today is quite life-like.

As much as I love that tree, what I like more is having children decorate it. Fortunately, we have our great-grandchildren—my daughter’s grandchildren—to do the task. But that’s not yet. This is only the middle of November, after all. We’ll look to doing that at about the time our son turns fifty this year, on December 11.

So for now, we’ll spend the days keeping our minds if not our bodies occupied. There are always, for me at least, new books and essays to be writing or reading, new recipes to discover and try, and music available on my television for those evenings when I want to relax in my recliner in warmth and peace.

We here in the Ashbury household don’t hibernate—at least, not exactly. But we do seem to get our most restful and thoughtful times when the snows come down. And maybe that’s the Lord telling us to sit back, relax, and take in this version of nature’s beauty.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

There's something in the air...

 November 9, 2022

David and I talk about anything and everything under the sun. We always have. We’ve never lived in each other’s back pockets, but we’ve never been without communication between us.

Our early married years, those years when, as a newly married couple you try to find your footing and balance were interesting for us, and I believe the fact that we’re still together, is because of the work we did in those very early and iffy years.

By all common sense and the consensus of all at the time of our marriage, we should have been doomed to failure and destined for a divorce. We were different in a lot of ways. David came from a family where his father would say “jump!” and everyone would ask, “how high, sir?” I, after the age of 8 and a half, was the youngest child of three being raised by a single mother, following the death of my father. I had no real memory of a father as the acknowledged head of the family. My mother believed very much that the husband’s role was exactly that, but I had no real connection to the concept myself.

Also the fact that I was a week shy of my 18^th  birthday, and David was just 19 at the time we got married seemed to point toward the likelihood of inevitable failure.

So right from day one, we had very different expectations. David only ever tried to tell me what to do once, and that was when I told him that I wanted to go to university. He didn’t want me to, even if I could get a student grant and loan to do so. (In those days, if one qualified, one could get mostly a grant with a small portion of loan to pursue a university degree.) Long story short, he told me I couldn’t. I wasn’t having that.  And then we compromised. I had left high school at the end of grade 12; he said if I could get my grade 13 (yes, we had grade 13 in 1973), and provided I could get financed through the student grant and loan program, then I could go.

I had no problem passing that grade and was admitted to university with childcare and living expenses included in the grant. Truthfully, it was as if I had a part-time job for the money I brought to the family. Sadly, I was unable to finish my B.A. because of two consecutive challenges: my mother died just before my exams at the end of my first year, and I became pregnant in my second year of Uni and was confined to bedrest. As I was preparing to return to school, I discovered I was pregnant again. With only the one child we already had, I could have managed going to school; with three children, that wasn’t financially feasible, no matter how much grant money I was offered.

So we worked at our jobs and we raised our children. Life was different than I had envisioned it to be, but not worse, not better…. just different.

As I said, David and I discuss all manner of things. My husband is very well read—had in fact read all my history and psychology textbooks while I was in university—and while we never seem to run out of things to say, we don’t always agree.

One of our milestones on the path to maturity was realizing that we did not have to agree about everything.

Also, the range of the topics which we will discuss doesn’t appear to have any limits, and not coincidentally, no guardrails, either.

This past Monday morning I stepped out onto the porch to check the temperature. David was out there, with one of our dogs on his lap. I had all the information I needed as soon as I opened the door and beheld him in his hoodie, with the hood up. It was most definitely brisk out. Since it was a bit breezy, I inhaled deeply and then turned to him.

“Fresh country air, today, I see.” That is a code phrase, one that originated with my mother. It’s meaning: the air was redolent with the aroma of…. manure.

“That time of year for it. They have to fertilize before the snow comes.”

I nodded my agreement. “Cow manure,” I said.

“Yes, cow manure,” he agreed.

Friends, I don’t know for certain what it says about us both that we can tell the difference between cow, horse, pig, and chicken manure. But we can.

For my own part, I spent the first 18 years of my life living in what we used to call “the sticks”, which means a rural area. There were enough farms in the vicinity that one got to know the bouquet, shall we say, of the animals being raised. Then, after we’d been married for a year, I came back to the country from the city, and David got his first whiff of country life.

We lived the next fifteen years in a rural area. Actually, we lived in the small house my mother owned (we became her tenants), the first house she and dad ever owned, which was right next door to the second, bigger house they bought the year before he died. When Mom died, my sister who had lived with her, traded houses with us.

David didn’t need to have grown up out in the country to quickly have learned the difference in odor between the various by-products of farming.  Now, I’m not certain how quickly truly avowed city dwellers would be able to develop this skill—except in the case of one critter. I promise if you ever have the unfortunate opportunity to smell a chicken barn, up-close and personal, the memory of that encounter will be forever seared into your otherwise delicate olfactory senses.

With that image planted in your minds, I want you all to know that yesterday, my beloved husband turned 70. He reminded me recently during one of our far-ranging chats, that he’d always believed he would die very young. I told him to hush up, because he still could do that.

Tonight, we go out to supper with our daughter and our second daughter—who also had a birthday yesterday, thus sharing the occasion with “grandpa”—and the only other guest at this outing will be her granddaughter.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

A clock story...

 November 2, 2022

The good news is that according to the Ashbury Household Standard Measure, the winter of 22 – 23 already has one month in the bag! We in this family hold as truth that winter in our part of Canada is from October to March, inclusive. The bad news is that it is November, and so far, while the temperature outside is slightly above normal for this time of year, it’s most definitely dampish out there—or has been until this morning.

Today is supposed to be mainly sunny the rest of the day. We’re at that point in the year when my gaze does tend to scan down on the weather network’s site to that all-important statistic: expected hours of sunlight. Yesterday I looked up the forecast for Wednesday, and saw it boasted we’ll have 8 hours today. But of course, just because it’s in the forecast does not mean it will come to fruition.

Monday was rainy off and on and Tuesday began with a bit of rain and completely overcast skies. No wonder the critters look around and begin to frantically prepare to hibernate at this time of year.

Stepping inside from outside, I can proudly report that our own “nut gathering” is complete, at least to the extent that we have room to store things. Our gardens have been emptied of vegetation, the first round of leaf blowing and bagging has been done, and yesterday saw another trip made to the town’s landfill site to offload a carload of junk. It is our goal to reduce the amount of stuff we have here. The top goal is to complete the renovations upstairs, to make the house more fuel efficient going forward. But there is just too much stuff stored up there to work—at least for the time being. It won’t likely take too long to fix that little thing.

But of all the accomplishments that have been achieved over the last month as we were in full winter-prep mode, the one that stands out is this: finally, after a period of about eighteen months, I once more have my clock up on the wall here in my office.

I suppose the fact that this clock is on the same wall as the front door—the east facing outer wall—is at the root of the challenge we’ve had, keeping that clock in place. My husband hung this clock the day I bought it, oh probably more than five years ago now, and yes, it’s kind of a fussy design, with a couple of spiral-like extensions that are supposed to look like vines, complete with leaves, positioned at 10 and 5. It’s a burnished metal in colour, the clock face is beige with tan leaves that you have to look closely at to see that they are indeed leaves. When I went clock shopping this was the one that I liked, so I bought it at our local Walmart, and yes, it was very affordable (but not quite cheap). And a necessary purchase as the previous small clock I had in that same position had stopped working.

The first time my husband hung the clock up it stayed up there for a few months before someone slammed the front door really hard—and the clock came down!

Of course, this is a very packed office and when that clock fell it went straight down to the floor, behind an almost five-foot high bookshelf. The only way to retrieve that clock was to go down onto the floor, on hands and knees, under my desk and reach behind that bookcase that is exactly to the right….

That first time it took only a couple of weeks for David to accomplish the task of retrieving and rehanging that clock.

The last time that clock fell because, again, someone slammed the front door, was roughly eighteen months ago. Note I emphasized “last time” because I think the total number of times its happened is 6 or 7). And in the interim, after that last time, both husband and daughter would come into my office, at least several times a week, and while in here with me for whatever reason would glance up to where the clock should have been… to check the time.

My standard line when that happened was: “The clock is not up there. It fell, if you will recall, and it can’t raise itself.” It got to the point that I would watch for that quick glance up, hoping beyond hope that at some point one of them would do what I absolutely could not do, physically. I hoped that one of them would retrieve that poor clock from its obscurity behind the bookshelf.

Now, David made a good first step back in May and finally went under my desk and did that very thing. I dusted it off and saw that it was still working, and then he set it on one of the bookshelves in an adjacent unit. He laid it flat, because that was the only way that clock was going to be able to be on the shelf. This meant, of course, you couldn’t read the time, but it was there. Ready for when he planned to come back a little bit later to hang it.

Finally, after more than one request on my part and several promises on his, David managed the feat last week. This time, he assured me, that clock was not going to come down, no how, no way. I’m hoping that since he used a drill and really seemed to be focused on the task at hand, his declaration proves true.

And while I could resist the pun, I am not going to, so brace yourselves and get ready to groan.

Only time will tell how long that clock stays up on the wall, going forward.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Passing a torch, sort of....

 October 26, 2022

It always amazes me that the days can drag, but the weeks seem to pass at the speed of light. Already, we’re into the last week of October. We started out the month with a fair bit of cold and rain, but these last few days have been comparatively mild. I am counting my blessings. I don’t like the cold and damp, but only because it exacerbates the arthritis that I have in so many of my joints. So these mild days have been a blessing, and I’ve seen to it that I’ve spent a bit of time on the porch, simply breathing it all in.

Our walnut tree has lost most of its leaves, and that only began about a week ago. The very next day after I looked out at it and said to David, “Why hasn’t that damn tree started to drop its foliage?”

The shedding of our large walnut usually commences as soon as the first walnuts begin to drop. The occasion of those nuggets falling always results in a thick carpet of discarded yellow leaves that cover our porch roof and steps and the walkway. In the morning, those leaves are often wet thanks to the overnight frost or the morning dew, and that’s a safety hazard for everyone here, not just the one among us using a rubber tipped cane.

This year, our daughter was adamant that her father would not rake those leaves. He went to the doctor last week as he had a few issues in the aftermath of his horrible cold. Daughter told him that until he got the all-clear from the doctor, he would do only light things. To be fair, the doctor did tell him that very same thing himself.

He grumbled quite a bit, but he did listen to her. So for the first time, daughter raked those leaves, and bagged them, and set those bags out by the curb. She managed it all in a single morning. She ached some the next day, but she considered the discomfort worth it.

We tried not to laugh too hard when two days later, she looked out the front and said, “It doesn’t even look like I did anything!” I understood then, that up to this point in her life she had been spared a cruel reality.

When she had her own place, it was a house in a newer survey, and there were no mature trees close by. So she would pick a day in fall and do her outside work, one and done. She had not yet experienced the reality that if you begin to rake before all the leaves are down—which you pretty much have to do—then you will be raking again. And again.

Her daddy patted her shoulder and told her that generally, he rakes three times for the walnut tree.

Yesterday, David got his test results and was told he could resume all normal activities. He plans to do just that. Our daughter has said she’ll work with him to get those walnut leaves into bags and is feeling very hopeful that since there are only a very few leaves left on that tree, this task will be in the bag—pun definitely intended—in no time.

Her father and I nodded our heads and agreed. And smiled at each other when she left the room.

“Are you going to tell her?” he asked.

“No. I’ll wait, and then I’ll tell her what I always told you.”

“Good. I feel like we’re sort of passing down a torch. Life, as it should be.”

The house directly across the street, which is right there about 60 feet off our porch railing has three beautiful, tall maple trees. Oh, they are full and beautiful, and as I stepped out onto the porch just now and admired them, I did see that while they have some very pretty red and orange leaves, two of those three maples are mostly green still.

Right there across the street, not even one hundred feet away.

Friends, those leaves are going to drop, and I can assure you from past experience that a goodly number of them will end up on our porch roof, and steps and walkway. And because our daughter is her father’s daughter most of all, I can well imagine her whining the same as her daddy has always done.

“But they’re not even our fricking trees!”

“No,” I will tell her. “They’re not. But you have enjoyed its presence and beauty all summer, and raking those leaves is the price you pay for the gift you’ve been given.”

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

Pass the tissues and the lozenges....

 October 19, 2022

In mid March of 2020, David and I were having an in-depth conversation about, well, what else—Covid. At that point we didn’t really know anything much about it. Being over 65, and having health issues, we were scared. We knew history, and we had known about the influenza pandemic of the early 1900s. We knew that millions of people had died, and while it was true that medical science had made huge advances since then, we also knew that so, too, had the speed with which humans interacted.

We of course didn’t know how long this new pandemic would last, but we kind of scoffed at the idea that just 15 days staying home and masking and keeping distance when we went out and washing hands would be enough. In fact, we shook our heads listening to all the people who thought this would be over “before you know it!” As days passed and we learned more, we were both comforted and concerned. When it came to our guesses about how long this would last, we weren’t thinking then in terms of weeks or months. We thought then in terms of years. And we also thought it could very well be that this new pandemic would turn endemic. That, like the flu, it might always be with us if we all didn’t hang tight and do the right thing together. We knew then as we know now, that having a vaccine would be our best, and greatest hope.

Now, we never once considered the possibility that so many people, all of whom had been praying right from the beginning for a vaccine, would not only reject one when it came, but would spread lies about it being fatal, and then would refuse to wear masks on top of that. The “I don’t want to, and you can’t make me crowd!” has to be the most surprising element in this entire drama for us; and I personally believe that those people have played a huge role in ensuring that Covid-19 has, indeed, become something we’ll have to live with forever. But back in the spring we never once considered that would truly be so.

But there was one thing we did think about, and talked about, as we were and are both of us of the same mind. This conversation occurred near the end of 2020.

Me: “You know, if folks are good enough at all their precautions, I bet you we’ll see a real lessening of the spreading of colds and flus, at least for this year, as a bonus.”

David: “That could very well be. Until folks get to the point where they feel it’s safe to not mask or distance and then those colds and flus will be back with a vengeance.”

Talk about prescient words!

About three weeks ago, on our “nanny Tuesday”, our two great-grandchildren who are our daughter’s grandbabies, came for supper as usual. The lad, who was about to turn 8 had a cold. They’d been testing him, of course, and it was only a cold and not Covid. We didn’t think anything of it, either. Kids get colds. And then a handful of days later David came down with a cold.

It started out as an ordinary cold, but it didn’t take long to morph from ordinary to monster. He had a bit of a fever for a couple of days, and no, he didn’t test positive for Covid, either. But it was the worst cold he’s had in probably a decade or more. It went a familiar route: sore throat first, then sniffles, then a cough. Not a constant cough, but one that would erupt a few times a day and be fierce. And at times, it was a dry cough, too. His throat and belly suffered from the coughing.

I did snoop around online and I learned that the Rhinovirus which is the common cold has indeed been back with a vengeance and is hitting hard. Apparently, as it used to be, we had cold and flu season, and folks would get colds, and they would retain some immunity in the aftermath, enough that colds tended not to leave you being rode hard and put up wet. That knowledge did give me some ease of mind.

David’s cold is just tapering in him now. He only coughs about once a day now. And now, of course, he’s passed it on to me.

No sore throat here, no fever, either. Sniffles, yes, and a cough. And while my throat isn’t aching, my voice went from alto to bass to yesterday, something just above a whisper. While David has been medicating with specific cold and sinus medication, I am relegated to my hot lemon water with honey concoction and trying to get more rest.

At one point David looked at me—before I indeed had the cold—and said: “if you get this, it could kill you.” He was legitimately quite worried about that fact—but I wasn’t.

Now, it’s been a rough cold for me, no question. I was a bit achy and while I don’t cough as much as David did, I still coughed, but only sometimes. Didn’t have much energy and would doze a bit in my recliner, which I don’t always do. Today I feel a bit better than yesterday, and I believe that in another few days, I should be mostly over it.

I knew the question would come, and I thought about my response to him when it did. And finally, last night, he asked it.

David: How come your cold wasn’t as bad as mine?

Me: Well, it might have something to do with the fact that I don’t think that potato chips are a fit breakfast food.

I do tend to eat healthier than he does, especially when it comes to fruits and veggies. And all other things being more or less equal, I do believe that makes a difference.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

 

 

Believing in fairness...

 October 12, 2022

What do we think about the concept of fairness?

I can remember a time, oh, I think it was not too long before David and I got married. I was pregnant; the wedding was scheduled for July 14, which in 1972 was a Friday. We said our vows at 7:15 pm in the evening.

Because I was pregnant, my mother was quite firm on two factors: I would not wear a white wedding dress; and the guest list would be very small.

The latter didn’t bother me so much, really, but that not being able to wear a real wedding dress certainly did. She understood that and told me that I could wear white if I chose, but she would not attend.

My dress was mauve.

In the lead up to the big day, I was the recipient of a bridal shower. I received 4 blankets for our matrimonial bed, a box of spices from my mother and one or two other gifts. Even at 17, I was grateful, did sort of  wonder if the presence of so many blankets could be the 1972 version of shutting the barn door after the horse had gotten out: “We’ll make sure she’s warm enough she won’t need to snuggle close to the man.”

I had a strange sense of humor even then.

I also recall that one of my friends, about two months after David and I got married, was planning her wedding and oh what a lavish affair it was going to be! She had three bridal showers. Three! And the most beautiful white gown…. at one point, I recall thinking that it just wasn’t fair—and even said so aloud to my mother. Everyone knew that the couple had been having sex for a long time. She got to wear a beautiful white wedding dress when I did not. Blame it on teenaged pregnant hormones and the fact that, at this point in my life I can look back and see that I really was still not much more than a baby myself on my wedding day. But what I remember most about the incident was my mother’s reaction to my bemoaning of unfairness.

She gave me a look of utter shock. And then she said, “Who the hell ever told you that life was fair? If life were fair, your father would still be alive!” Then she nodded, the look on her face telling me more than words that the matter was closed.

Though I didn’t appreciate it then, I think that her question to me about fairness was a good one. Being where I am now in life I look back. I never answered that question but I could now. And the answer is that no one ever told me that life would be fair; yet everything within me, growing up, had always believed that life should be fair.

Now, of course, that question and how they express it can define a person, but I’m not sure whether that definition can be considered truth, or opinion. For example, there are a lot of people who make a lot of noise, fueled by a general sense of grievance. Apparently, they don’t think life is fair at all, and want something to be done about that—legally, if not morally.

Counter to this group are people who believe that all things are possible if one just works hard to achieve whatever goal they set. Fairness doesn’t seem to be a part of that equation for success, and yet those who adhere to their “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” philosophy don’t necessarily decry fairness. They just believe in making lemonade out of lemons, or, if you will, doing what they can to make the question of fairness moot.

When I think back to my naivete in my teen years at the ripe old age of sixty-eight, there’s a part of me that marvels. I’d lost my daddy when I was 8, and a part of me from that moment on dreaded losing my mother, too. In fact, she died just four years after my wedding. And yet despite that early in life loss of a parent, I still clung to my hope in fairness.

And I still do—even as I dig down to do what I can to give that hope all the fuel my soul can conjure.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://www.bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury

An attitude of gratitude...

 October 5, 2022

After posting last week’s essay, my husband and I set off, having decided that the time was right to complete one item on our autumn check list: veggies down for the winter.

There’s a farm-market place outside of town, one that we’ve frequented for years. Some of the produce is grown by the family that runs the store. But some is brought in from other farms, all within this province.

My vegetables of choice for this final round of preserving: green beans and more squash—butternut squash this time. This is our favored squash for soup, and the goal was to have some put down for the dinner table and some for the soup pot.

The green beans looked very good. They were a nice dark green, slender and fresh and straight. Thursday afternoon, after my writing was done for the day, I processed the four quarts of beans we purchased, netting eight bags which translates to 8 meals. Added to the five bags we froze from our own garden we now have beans aplenty ready to be included in any winter menu.

And while we only purchased 4 large butternut squash (we grabbed up 8 of the acorn), I believe four would be sufficient. David was kind enough to chop them because I just don’t have the strength in my hands these days to do that myself. In all, we had 34 cups of raw squash cubes which turned into 26 cups of processed for the freezer—ten bags of two cups, and two bags of three.

I do know that one doesn’t need to blanch this squash; you can freeze it raw, by laying out a layer of chopped pieces on a tray covered in parchment, and then setting the tray in the freezer until the veggie is frozen. Once solid, you simply place the pieces into a larger zipper bag.  

I’ve embraced this preparation, but my freezer was too full to do that. Maybe I’ll try that next year? If I can remember to try it, which interpreted means I should not load my freezer so full, so early in the harvest time.

Sunday saw one more fairly recent tradition here in the Ashbury household. Sunday last was cabbage roll day. Fortunately, I am the sous chef for this event. My daughter loves making cabbage rolls. I thought that might be a thing of the past when, two years ago, she gave up meat. But no, she can use her plant-based burger meat in her own portion of rolls, and good old fashioned hamburger in the rest of them.

She bought two large cabbages this year. There are a few clients my daughter sees, as a PSW working in the community, as well as a friend who used to be a client. These women who she visits on a regular basis don’t get a lot of home-cooking brought to them. Because that is so, when we are having what one would consider “comfort food”, like a pot roast, or a beef stew, or cabbage rolls, Jenny always sees to it there’s enough to share with these ladies.

Our daughter has a very good heart and is a generous soul. Her attitude when it comes to people is simple enough that everyone can emulate it: if I can help, I help. Since that is an attitude that I’ve always shown, my heart is full of gratitude. And speaking of being grateful….

Next Monday is Thanksgiving Day, here in Canada. I’m grateful for what I have, and what I can do to help others. And I am especially grateful for my readers—both the readers of my essays and those who read my books.

I hope my words give you, the reader, distraction, comfort, or thought. In other words, I hope they help, even if it’s only in a small way.

 

Love,

Morgan

http://www.morganashbury.com

http://bookstrand.com/morgan-ashbury